i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
