What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Please, let me fuck your mom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize