That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
