No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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