I am puke
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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