Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
