Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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