Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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