Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
