I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
