What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
