I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
