my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
