dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
