Swine flu. Run for my life!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
tell me about the eggs
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