As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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