I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
