it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
