He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize