Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
