So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
one might say we're banned from that church
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Randomize
