He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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