barbara walters just said penis...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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