Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
