I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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