it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
