i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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