It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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