my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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