A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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