I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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