just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
