I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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