Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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