Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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