Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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