so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
