I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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