I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All the doctor said was why
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
