I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
