i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
