I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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