I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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