Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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