Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
