shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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