I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
