Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
