he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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