i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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