I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bring money and cleavage
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
