I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't deserve a penis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
