it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
