He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
