all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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