i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
