omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
