how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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