So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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