I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
