I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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