I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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