It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
