Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
